Patience. Or lack there of.

" Be still in the presence of the LORD,
and wait patiently for Him to act.
Don’t worry about evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes." -Psalm 37:7

Ok, God. I get it.

I guess it's safe to say I've been rather frustrated lately. Not necessarily with God but multiple areas in my life where I want change. The last few days, I have stated vocally, "I've been waiting long enough for an answer" and "not only has He not answered my prayer, but He's just being silent!" I even went as far as to pray "Lord, smack me up side the head with the answer". Well. I do believe He's giving me my answers...I get to continue to "patiently" wait.

In different areas of my life, I feel like I've expressed enough patience. And I'm not a patient person. When I want something, I want it now. I'm craving change. I'm craving "improvement". Quarter life crisis? Lord, I hope not! I thought I went through that about 6 or 7 years ago!!!

Although I may not act like it, I do trust God's plan. I'm not fond of waiting. And I'm really not too fond of forfeiting control, either. I'm diligently searching for His will in my current situations. And trying to find the blessing in disguise.

James 1:19 says, "Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry."

Guess I need to start practicing patience, control my emotions, keep my feisty mouth shut, continue to pray and trust in His timing.

A City Without Walls

A person without self-control
is like a city with broken-down walls. (Proverbs 25:28 NLT)

As a naive girl from lil old Maryville, TN, I never really worried about city without walls. However, I am instantly reminded of 9/11. That day, those events, those memories make this passage relevant to me. We MUST worry about a city/nation without walls!

Just like an airport with intense security limits us, so does self-control. I think we can all agree that self control & security is necessary tho! An out-of-control life is open to all sorts of attacks by the enemy. Instead of thinking about limits & rules & inconveniences, think of self-control as a wall for defense and protection.

Who Controls You?

I'm having one of those days where I'm just throwing myself into the Word. I need it, I crave it. Tonight's study has been all over the place (oh, the life of an ADHD). Started with a devotional about control. Yep, I need to study more about this! I am not good at letting others control me. At all. And I suffer because of it! So, I get to a verse in Proverbs about making wise choices and how wisdom is sweet like a honey comb.
Then, my ADHD kicks in and now I've hit another verse about strength. And it's also so fitting. "If you fail under pressure, your strength is too small." -Proverbs 24:10. Wow. Slam on the breaks! its about to get deep in here!!! On a day where I have fought to stay strong, I have lost! I have had steam blowing out my ears for the last 26 hours!!! And the whole time I thought I was being strong! Stupid me! I consulted my Life Application Bible about this verse (it dumbifies the Word to a level where I can understand!) This is what it says about Proverbs 24:10, "Times of trouble can be useful. They can show you who you really are—what kind of character you have developed. In addition, they can help you grow stronger. When Jeremiah questioned God because of the trouble he faced, God asked how he ever expected to face big challenges if the little ones tired him out (Jeremiah 12:5). Don’t complain about your problems. The trouble you face today is training you to be strong for the more difficult situations you will face in the future."
YIKES!
Let's readdress that. "Times of trouble can be useful. They can show you who you really are—what kind of character you have developed."
Again.
YIKES.
I don't typically deal well under pressure. I consider myself fun, loving, jovial when I'm NOT under pressure. When I AM under pressure, I'm short, quick tempered & irrational; I don't like me & I sure as heck don't expect anyone else to!!! Compare those character traits with the Lauren that's not under pressure & they are polar opposites! No wonder my favorite ward clerk calls me "Bi-bola"!!! Hmmm. How to fix it?! Guess that'll be tomorrow's study. Until my ADHD kicks in & I veer off from control to strength to only God knows what!

Wait. Did I just give up control over my study for tomorrow?!?! Yes, I think I did! Move in the right direction! Woot woot! :D